Let me begin by telling you what every woman already knows....I am struggling in this battle of the BULGE! Daily! I start, I stop, I start, I stop. This month, I am starting again and I am starting with a vengeance!
Week one – New Me equals NEW BODY! My attitude is adjusted and I am going for it! One hour in the gym EVERYDAY! No more excuses!
Week two - Ok, so this whole new me, new body workout thing is getting to be a bit much. I mean, I am trying to do the whole Army thing and - BE ALL I CAN BE...but, really.
This morning, I let my sister-in-law convince me to go to the gym and workout. Not a biggie, except, those who REALLY know me...know THE 6AM WORKOUT WAS A TRUE TEST OF MY FAITH!! Not to mention a test of my resolve to lose weight and get healthy. The call came at 5:11AM and I was sooooo very tempted to just ignore it and simply say, "Girl, I never heard the phone!" But, I got up and got dressed....challenging as it was, I did it! The whole time I kept saying....so what, you're FAT...you're still CUTE! The MEN STILL PAUSE, you don't have to KILL YOURSELF! LOL!
Any who, just so you know, my idea of working out is NOT listening to some unbelievably SKINNY CHICK scream...”And 1 and 2 and 3 - I CAN'T HEAR YOU" No, you can't hear me, because I can't BREATHE, much less COUNT OUT LOUD!!! So, I skipped the class (after watching for about 5 min. - you didn't know that watching a workout helps stimulate the brain to lose weight? Ha!), and went straight to the treadmills.
Now normally, I would just walk at a pace of 2.0MPH, MAAAYBE 2.2MPH - big MAYBE! This morning, the gym was crowded but I found a treadmill in the back of the room - away from the 4.0 and 5.0 runners! I'm minding my 2.0 business and here comes.....BARBIE! She's to my left. No biggie, I don't care that she STARTS OUT at 3.5 and works her way up to 4.5....I'm doing my own thing! Well, here comes....KEN! He is now to my right and DAGNABBIT he starts out at 5 and works his way up to 6.5 MPH!!!
You absolutely know what I am going to say, right? I got suckered into going from a calm, cool and relaxing walk to a FULL OUT RUN!!! OMG! Somehow, my hand kept pushing the speed up button and I found myself at 4.0!!!! WTH?!?!? Have I lost my mind completely? YES!!!
Question for you....have you ever just KNEW without a shadow of doubt that JESUS WAS COMING AT THAT VERY MOMENT...for nobody else but you??? I thought I was going to DIE!!! Every time, I reached for the STOP RIGHT NOW button...Barbie and Ken were smirking'...I know they were - they may deny it, but they were just waiting for me to pass out! Well, I didn't stop and actually got into a nice groove...the whole time singing in my head..."Lord, I'm running', trying to make 100, 99 1/2 just won't do!"
Finally, I guess Barbie got tired of me outrunning her and she slowed down to a measly 3.0MPH! Ha! I'm thinking' "I knew she was going to give in before me....now, if she would just STOP, we might both make it out of here alive!"
I couldn't take it anymore so I slowed it way down to 2.0MPH, but by this time, I swear I can see my HEART beating' completely out of my chest and the room is spinning and Barbie and Ken are no longer smirking....they are LAUGHING AT ME, ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE GYM...in my mind anyway. I pressed the cool down button and came down to 1.5MPH....I thought ok, I'll jump off here and no one will know I almost died this morning! Welllllllll.....bad idea....you don't JUMP OFF ANYTHING IN THE FREAKIN' GYM!!!!! Somehow, while I was trying' to be Flo Jo, nobody told me my legs would feel like some rubber! I hit the floor....literally! Laid out on my back like I was "slain in the Spirit" as the old church folk used to say, and all I could hear was 'Barbie' asking me if I was hurt....Dammit, yes I am hurt....ok, not really, but my pride was utterly DESTROYED!!!
To top it off....there was this tall, dark and FINE, NO make that P-H-Y-N-E...guy at the end of the row and he was laughing so hard he had to stop working out! It took about three people, including Barbie and Ken to help me up and walk me over to the nearest bench, but we got there!
As I am nursing my pride and acting like my ankle was hurt, I look up at one of the TV's and CNN is on with a study on how too much exercise, too soon can possibly reverse the weight loss effects you are trying to achieve!! What? Are you kidding me, right now? I did all this and I might GAIN weight?
I learned a very valuable lesson this morning....forget the early morning workouts....Be you, boo and go to Denny's instead! Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity beats a showdown, make that BEATDOWN, with Barbie and Ken ANYDAY!