There are those who say they have been struggling with weight their whole life...as a kid, teen and young adult. I can't really say the same thing...you see it wasn't a struggle for me. I was fat, cute and didn't really care what others thought! So I just kept living, as the old folks advised, and never really gave MUCH thought to losing weight. I had convinced myslef that all 5'4.5" (yes the half means something - SHUTUP!) of me was just - - thick, big boned, healthy, etc. I mean, I tried occassional fad diets (remember the cabbage soup diet - YUCK! and the Lemonade one - uhh, yeah, someone should have told me don't ADD SUGAR!) and I would walk about a block before feeling like I was gonna DIE ANY SECOND! I can't even begin to tell you the number of gyms I joined and went HARD for about one week before finding some reason to quit! But, none of it ever lasted. The effort wasn't there. I really truly just didn't care. It didn't help that medically I was healthy...all my numbers were either normal or below normal and I felt fine. It also didn't help that socially I had never had the whole "can't find a man" thing....uhh, until now! LOL! I dated, got married, divorced and dated some more...so what was the problem really?
Earlier this year and I saw the below pictures...I was absolutely horrified! I mean...really? Who lets themselves get this big and can still look in the mirror and say I LOVE YOU! You can't! And those of you that know me...know I LOVE ME SUM ME!!! As much as I thought I was in control...I wasn't - CLEARLY! Food had become my boss, my teacher, my comforter, my everything....I was losing control over my life to the power of food! Once the realization of that hit me....I became afraid. Yep, really scared! I thought, if I don't regain control over this area of my life...I'm going to die! I needed to figure this thing out quickly before it was too late! So I prayed and took a good long hard honest look at who I was. If you ever want to change your life for the better....ask God to show you who you REALLY are. It's not always pretty and can be painful, but it is necessary for change! I was hiding from some very painful facts of my life.
However, as a Life Coach and Christian counselor, I realized I was asking and telling others to be transparent with me...yet, not willing to be transparent with myself! I was a HOT MESS! I had done what I counseled others against...using anything (food, drugs, sex and people) as a crutch or comforter for the pain I was feeling. Enough was enough! I had to face some very real demons from my past and let them know...YOU ARE NO LONGER WELCOME IN MY LIFE! I had to forgive some people...mainly myself....and let some old hurts go. What a freeing experience! What a feeling of deliverance! Whew!
Finally, I had to have a MADE UP MIND and that is where I am today! I am determined to get this weight off me....and get healthy for good! I am determined to not only continue to change my mind...it really was the one thing that was keeping me unhealthy...but, I am determined to CHANGE MY LIFE! I am making HEALTHY and WISE choices about food and exercise so that I may continue to live this life as it was meant to be lived....FANTABULOUSLY!
So, this note is not only about being transparent...it's about accountability! A good friend of mine told me recently...YOUR BODY WILL DO WHAT YOU FORCE IT TO DO! So, failing is not an option...neither is giving up or quitting! This is my life now....and I'm LOVING IT! What do you want for your life right now? GO GET IT! CHANGE YOUR THINKING AND CHANGE YOUR VERY LIFE!
The journey by far isn't over....I've lost 72 pounds and have another 50 or so to go....but, I'm looking forward to my continued success!
KJJ